Entry 1: Moving on.

i miss you. i don't even know why you're an asshole. but i just really do miss you. and i've been missing you for weeks now. it fucking sucks i know you're pretty much in love with someone else and i get it i get it we had our time but nothing came out of it. and that pisses me off cause i care more about you now then i ever did before... so i just feel like a complete idiot cause i could of made that time much more worth it so i wouldn't be sitting here complaining. i feel like jealousy might be a factor in this.. but i don't even know if that. cause i really do have strong feelings for you and care about you but i definitely got to get over this. its stupid to not be able to get over you.. like its holding me back. and ill think of something that remind me of you and i just get all sad. when its like wtf why do i even care? because its not like i lost you for good. yes you are still a really great friend to me. i think it really even is better that we are just friend. its just i feel like we get along so much better and are so much of a better of a pair than you and her. i just don't get why you are with her. and i think you could even to much better. haha funny..... i know nothing will most likely ever happen between us again and i don't want to get in the way of you and her because i know you are happy. so i just got to move on. but why is it so fucking hard? why am i so attached? its something i don't even understand. i don't know why i care. i don't know why i think about you so much. i don't even know whats so great about you. nothing. hah.. i just don't like change i guess. i was so used to always being with you and talking to you like 24/7 and so i guess i probably just feel kind of empty that i don't anymore. i think you left and empty spot inside of me that i just need to fill with something else. so in order to do so i really have to move on. its not like i need to rush into finding someone else, but i should really just live my life happy and not stress about you anymore. i really will definitely be much happier. i guess its hard yeah, but if i wanna be happy i have to move on. if i try to fix things and get rejected it will be even worse. so ill try. and ill try and try. and it'll all be ok.